Players conference: “Seducers handling of emotions vs normal guys”

After couple of shit tests, were my new main was trying to cause a reaction to my emotional state, and I handle it as diplomatic as possible by basically mirroring what she was doing (applying what she said to me back to her). Soon after, tears, as she was crying and I said “you just told me the same shit and it did not bother me in the least”. Then, she told me something that made me question my emotional state and that was: “you are like a brick nothing hurts you or bothers you, you are emotionless”…

She was saying this in the context that I have no filter basically I say what is on my mind, I am extremely blunt, but I am not a jack ass; However, she would say things such as “wowow that is very hurtful”, but is really calibrated and are things that if I was in another persons’ shoes, it really would not affect me….

Those of you that know my style is a really “honest, no filter type of style”, I tend to express what is on my mind, even if i look bad, is choddy, afcish, is a pretty raw and polarizing style, you can get a feel for this in my style of writing and my videos.

More examples of my emotional rock solid style is when a family member dies, I lose money, I lose a job, I lose a client,I lose a friend, a break up, my dog dies and pretty much any type of crisis. I usually tend to be sad and hurt for a short time, but my sadness goes away really fast…I talked to my mom and a few of the top players in the game, and they tend to come to the conclusion that we are just built different, In other words we tend to feel the emotions, process those emotions and then MOVE ON.

With that being said, we are far from being emotionless, If I were to see a sad movie, or emotional movie, or a Facebook post that is moving, i would cry like a little girl (which is totally weird since i am a rock in other situations). I remember once watching the Lion King on a date and I was crying when the lion dad was killed, like a faggot.

When I lose a girl it hurts me really bad for about couple of days or maybe a week (if I was madly in love that is),and then short periods of sadness… But I am ok within months… My last break up after 10 years, I was really sad for a bit as well, then I would be ok, back to sad in short periods, but generally I was fine… After about 3 months I was totally over and as time passed, it was like I totally blocked or forgot the relationship existed and totally moved on.

Recently, I saw pics of my ex in My fitness pal, and it was like me looking at some meaningless stranger or a booty call, 0 feelings, 0 butterflies, 0 nostalgia. I was like “oh look at her attention whoring” weak, cause she was making a comment on my fitness pal, facepalm:”I just got off the bike and burned 300 calories” or some idiotic, “hey hey i am craving attention comment”, shit that she would have never done if we were still dating, I actually felt sorry for her. But, my point is,  I was surprised at my lack of emotions for a girl I spent 10 years of my life with, I was more concerned about my ego, when I accidentally clicked on her LinkedIn, “fuck now she will think I was spying”. Funny story, during our break up she really was trying to destroy me emotionally, so she told me she “sucked some business dudes dick”, I pulled out my dick and busted a nut listening to her story, how is that for passing a shit test. (True story)

Another example is 2 of my dogs died and I was sad for a day or so then moved on really fast.

So again, I was freaked out for my lack of emotions, nostalgia and depression during and after emotional crisis events like “normal” people experience, which you would argue, it is a good thing to be “rock solid” “icy” “masculine” which is very attractive and we teach that shit. But when my new main brought to my attention that shit, I wondered if it was “normal” or if there is something wrong with the make up of seducers.

There are a few players such as mystery, who is known to be to the extreme of the emotional scale and would have psychotic episodes including wanting suicide (but to my knowledge he is isolated case in the seduction community and he has childhood issues etc..).

Then we have players such as blackdragon, that would be in a constant state of happiness no matter what happens.

Now, I am one of the dudes that naturally my default state is happiness/craziness/life of the party. Sometimes this causes issues in relationships cause since I am always so happy no matter what, sometimes I feel bad that, for example a girl I am seeing is sad or stress and I have to tone down my happiness just cause It maybe misunderstood that I am celebrating their stress or sadness.

So in a private group of players, I came clean with these concerns to see if we are all sociopaths or if this is something I have become naturally due to the fact of being a good seducer, alpha, player, with access to so many women, which has cause me to reach these hardcore qualities and internalize them, were I have become a ROCK. So these are some of the questions I asked the players (my goal was to try to gauge seducers emotional state in crisis):

1.- How do you react to the death of a dog, friends and family members?

2.- How sad are you and how long, does it typically take you to move on in a pair bonded relationship?

3.- Are we build like rocks due to going through this stuff so much, in other words are we numb to crisis situations like navy seals??

Here are some interesting responses from some of the top world players, this will be a long blog, but bare with me, if you live the lifestyle, you will see tons of gold and will resonate with you:

Seducer 1 goes by Uncle Walker:

Skills I am sorry but I think you are a little bit more normal one and these other people live a fantasy. Let’s go back about 100 years, a lot less if you were dirt poor. You would come from a family of 10 kids and 2 or 3 wouldn’t make it to 18 years old. You might loss a parent before maturity. People you knew, especially men, would have killed or died from violence. You might have went to war. Disease, 30% population lose . . . you get the idea.

People back then knew how to experience loss and get on with life. Now days most people die when they are supposed to, they are old. Both of my parents went when they really needed to go. Are there times that I really miss them? Sure, but on the other hand, we joked around because both me and my son flirted with the funeral director.

So Skills you have learned to deal with loss, at least the loss of romantic interests. Hey, are you guys ready for this because if you don’t know it yet you will.

If you turn your mind to other things and do not let the emotions stew in your brain you will bypass a lot of the emotional pain of romantic breakups.

Why do you think we tell guys to G0 Fuck Ten Other Women? Bingo. But hey once people start letting those thought go then these emotions of loss hit and they are like, “this fucking sucks I want to turn these emotions off.” It doesn’t work that way. So Skills you don’t keep fantasizing about the girl you broke up with. You don’t think about the great sex. You have skills that keep you from going to hell, just like those people did 100 years ago. People who don’t have those skills think you are weird and tell you your bottling it up and stuff like that.

Just do the best you can to create a stable foundation. Neediness Management kinds of ideas. You are just fine.

Seducer 2 goes by cost of success (cosy):

I have to actively engage my emotions or I can be rather shit.
I’d say you’d share some of that trait.
It is not a fun trait…

Why?
It robs you of a lot more than you think.
What is initially “nothing big” really just turns into nothing ever being big.

It doesn’t mean you are without emotions it just means you instant reflex is to bury it
You can learn to alter that
But… its weird… tough… super tough… you wanna stop and quit all the time (I do)
Reason I don’t is, I go to my maximum.

I had to learn to get rid of my expectation of normalcy. Had to start admitting things aren’t just always the way I see it, beyond just small corrections.

You also need to be really good at self control to feel emotions, so often you wont feel an emotion cuz you don’t feel confident with it driving you.
Reason I talk some emotions in my journal is cuz I don’t want guys being always afraid of developing the confidence to be vulnerable.
Some things can’t be faced with the tough guy seducer stuff.

That said, you don’t have to be “indulgent”, you can learn to do it with some composure, grace, hopefully.
It can strengthen a person to not be afraid. To start to stand in emotions.

Initially a dog dying, I’m like “yeah, thats shit”
But these days I sort of stop my plans and wander into thought with the lil guy and look em in the eyes and let myself acknowledge it
It hurts more… but, it slowly makes me a better dude I think…

There is more to life than a desperate chase. To feel, is to recognise that, and be humble to your weaknesses. Though keep an eye open, don’t get into a spiral. Its best if it just pulls at you, and you don’t just abandon the pull..
It ain’t easy though, I bet you have all kinnds of thhings you feel sour about. That stuff comes up, and I bet its why you typically avoid it.

I dunno, there are easy paths man, and then there are best paths…
They aren’t always the same.

Additionally…

There are two ways to be emotional
Lets just say for simplicity sake that one is blue pill and the other is redpill

Bluepill emotional is you go to sappy movies with girls, talk to them like you super care about problems, etc
Its got no leadership, its just this misunderstanding of what emotions are turned up to 11
Bleck… that stuff makes you feel so gross, its just not right
Annnnd it fake

Redpill emotional is, you are so good with women you start to notice things others don’t and it develops overtime from there with reasoning behind it.
You understand the acceptable ways for a guy to be emotional, and what is just weak/passive/burdening others. You initiate the feeling with your strength, and enter into it knowing you won’t get everything right.

The moment it started for me was when I was in a bar 8 years ago, I was flirting with thhis girl who then implied that yes she was interested in what I was saying, and I suddenly jerked back a bit because I realised I didn’t have the time or energy to help her out, so I politely changed topic and drifted off. I realised in that moment thhat there was a kinda sad truth in all of this stuff, notjust for guyys but girls too, and it shook me just how little I could change it for anyone.

In that moment I was FEELING her.
And it jolted a part of me to life before I just ignored.

Next year I found this super amazing girl who blew me away instantly when I saw her, and wedanced and I did my cool stuff and just as she was right there with me, she broke down into some tears, and said that I was the only man in quite some time to see or notice her.
You might think my reaction was this passionate caring embrace…

No…
I was ANGRY

Honestly it freaked me out to see what I saw in her, and I felt it was cruel to just open the window so wide that I caught so much of her life and existence as a woman, and how it brutally crushed the life out of how I saw her as this sexy symbol of an ideal.

I was angry with it for a long time actually.
Then, I met someone who inspired me to really try to face up to it… and I tried. But she was imperfect, and complicatins arose etc…
Long story short, I decided I didn’t need my seductive ability to handle the situation, I just decided to tackle it.
Over time I spent half the time sad other half chill. And it was all because I wanted to truly see her, not some mirage.
I wanted that soooo fucking bad, that I’d eat bullets to do it.

So emotionally I just did,
Then eventually I started to see how people felt a bit better… not perfect…

My point is, redpill emotion isn’t something you plaster over real experience, it IS real experience.

Just think about it for a second. Why did I start to feel?
It was because my leadership and strength gave me insight, it took me to heights, and from those places, I decided to participate in those fights rather than roll over and ignore it.

So emotion can be this trivial paint job, or it can be you hearing the truth and being strong enough to stand up to it.
… of course, I was never particularly wonderful with it naturally so… its tough work.

It is a nice feeling though.
I used to feel this stinging/deserted feeling at times, but now that I do try… I feel a wealth
And from that wealth I try to do better

But just look at it this way,
I coulda shut out girls struggles
Said “I have my own, tough”
But… then I’m just being a petty dude too afraid to take life by the horns
And that only leads to stagnant stuff for me

That said,
Emotional investment ought not be obligation, it ought be a choice you made in difficult spots,
By making tough choices you grow to trust your ability without all your sexual moves n such, everything becomes less… pedantic.

Emotions come from positions of hard choice and hard recognition.
To me, that is a good thing,
I don’t need to be a slacker

Seducer 3 goes by hangman:

Chicks are like that. They will be super sad for a bit, but move on staggeringly quickly (say after a break up or death of a pet) and i asked some girls how they do it, and they say its because they let themselves feel the emotion.

The other two extremes are never letting go vs running from emotions. Mystery is probably in the first camp and blackdragon is probably in the second. I am more like BD in this regard, but perhaps I am a bit more self aware about it.

Seducer 4 goes by Jester:

I have found there are three “archetypal” states you can be in when faced with a potentially emotional situation relating to someone:
– distancing yourself completely, be untouched by whatever happens (“be like a rock”)
– letting yourself get washed away by the emotion (“like a boat on a stormy sea”)
– allowing yourself to feel with someone while still standing your ground

If something that happened has the potential to truly touch you deep down (someone died, …), most people would fear they’ll be completely swept away by the emotions involved. In a safe environment this can be quite healing actually, but in many situations other people will expect you to stay strong because of other responsibilities (for example your wife died and you’re completely shaken but you don’t want to show it to not scare the children more than needed). When people fear they might be overwhelmed by emotion, most learn over time to distance themselves from what happened emotionally, turning “into a rock”, rationalizing or using other more or less conscious techniques up to dissociation.

What very few people manage to do in real life (really good therapists need this ability for example) is to allow the emotions to flow through you, let them exist in you without the need to act on them or distance yourself from them. It is to simply accept what’s there in the moment, be it anger, sadness, fear, happiness, whatever. Many people get a glimpse of that when watching movies or reading books that really involves them emotionally. You might even start crying since you’re so moved by those. It’s a safe environment since you can always put the book away or stop the video. In real-life situations, that’s more difficult to pull off, although it’s possible to practice it. I’ve actually become pretty good over the years (but perhaps I’m also unusually tuned in to emotions to start with).

What usually prevents people from allowing emotions to flow through them is their fear that those emotions might trigger something inside of themselves, and usually it’s very likely it will. Every single human being on this planet has at least a few experiences he hasn’t fully dealt with yet, and depending on what awaits you emotionally, there’s a chance they’ll be triggered. If they are “big chunks”, you might risk being overwhelmed by emotions and being in need of a safe environment to work those through for real this time. One condition for most people is that the environment they’re currently in allows it, or they at least think it’s acceptable here.

It is why societies all over the world have created rituals to allow for those safe spaces to process emotions. If someone dies, there’s a ritual burial for everyone to come to and be sad, angry or whatever it is they want to express. Some of them are rather inofficial, like another ritual of seeking a ONS to get over a past relationship. But they are all more or less understood and accepted by your surroundings as being appropiate. If you get a few ONS after a breakup or you’ll be shedding a tear after a woman in the first half year or year after a breakup, people will be very accepting of that. If you try the same 10 years later, you environment will probably be quite annoyed or even hostile, preventing many from truly processing their emotions after the “normal processing window” granted by society.

To answer the 2 questions in the OP: it depends a lot on how much I cared for someone. I had people die that I barely knew and to be honest I was annoyed about being expected to mourn at the social gatherings. You can imagine that I wouldn’t care much the day after. When my mother died about 10 years ago, however, it affected my family in ways that are still very potent. I was (subconsciously) using strategy nr. 2 (“be like a rock”) to survive those times somehow, but to this day I do have an ambivalent relationship with my childhood days, do seem to have “hidden” memories I can’t yet allow to surface for some part of me seems to fear I couldn’t deal with them.

Same is true for breakups: When I left one of my ex-gf for good, I celebrated for weeks. When other relationships ended, I’d feel a little weird for a few days or weeks perhaps, then it got better. But with one of my ex-gf (probably the first one I truly loved with all my heart), it took me about 6 months and it still hurts like mad when I think about her (only I don’t feel it on the surface level, it’s kind of a numbed pain nowadays).

As cosy has (I think, I’m never quite sure I do understand him) tried to express is that emotions are a key to what’s real inside people, if you are willing to allow true emotions to be expressed and stand your ground (strategy nr. 3). You’ll fail miserably many times, but you’ll also be granted quite a few breakthrough experiences this way. In a way, you’ll probably find that the emotions life offers you more or less balance out over time. You’ll never find happiness or sadness without the other side of the coin awaiting nearby. I’m not even sure seeking truth in people’s emotions makes your life a happier one, it’s very likely supressing negative emotions does work a charm in that regard. I am not so much interested in happiness as I am in the truth though, so I see no other way than to tackle whatever comes up head on and see where it gets me.

Seducer 5 goes by supernova:

I don’t think it is normal, but I do think it is better. When guys like us have faced constant rejection, bullshit, and myriads of other negative emotions on a consistent basis it is hard to find something that touches us significantly negative in what I have found for myself.

1.- How do you react to death of a dog, friends and family members??
Fortunately, I haven’t had to face this one as much, but I know for sure I would be like a rock. It would touch me for a day or two, but I would get over it and move on by the next day. I understand that there is more important things and to stay in such negative emotions is only selfish and counter-productive.

2.- How sad are you and how long, does it typically take you to move on in a pair bonded relationship?
Usually about a day. I cried the last time I left my main girl of three months (an emotion I truly felt of sadness for leaving her), but after a day I am moving on and I had a date the next day.

It’s true, we become hardened after battle, but that is what we need to be. We have others who aren’t as strong depending on us to be there for them and to take care of them. This is the task of an alpha male. It is often missed, but we must be able to not only take care of ourselves, but others as well. This takes the strength and ability to control our own emotions.

and finally ma nigga pob, seducer 6:

Thing is, to me, emotions are like a swimming pool: sometimes it’s just calm water, others someone throws something in and a portion of the surface is disturbed and on rare occasions you have a bunch of kids playing, making a mess and splashing water all over the place. It is what it is, so trying to “be like a rock” and control what you feel is like trying to control that water from the pool: impossible.

On a flip side what we can control is who we allow to use that pool and on what terms. The water will still be there although more or less we’ll have a clue about how it will be disturbed, so we won’t be surprised that much.

1.- How do you react to death of a dog, friends and family members??
If you love your dog, a friend or a close family member, and one of them dies or gets really sick, it’s obvious you’ll feel miserable for while. Fact is this is like a one time event, like a tree or a car falling into your pool: there’s absolutely no way to control it. You can acknowledge, suffer and move on or pretend it didn’t happen. But the car or tree will still be sunk there, even if you can’t see it on the surface anymore.

Quick personal example: our family dog died of cancer after 11 years in the family. One month later my grandfather was diagnosed with that same disease. Doctors gave him some months to a year max. So he decided he was not going to do invasive treatment and wanted to die at home. He stayed in bed for 6 months straight, getting lighter by the day, before finally passing. I felt like shit for one month, the next month a little better until one day my emotions got back to a more relaxed state and I finally felt ok about it.

As I said, those are uncontrollable rare events. How many 11 year dogs do we have? Best friends? Close family members? If you ask me, to allow ourselves to feel the whole range of emotions from one of those rare events is damn healthy!

2.- How sad are you and how long, does it typically take you to move on in a pair bonded relationship?
Now pick a woman you’re dating. She’s one among dozens, if not hundreds of chicks you’ve been with. Like the other guys said, you’ve been flaked, dumped, rejected and left for dead countless times, so you know the drill backwards. Maybe you didn’t notice it on a conscious level, but your mind is fully ready to accept that this relationship, like all the others, is going to be temporary. Maybe it’ll last longer, maybe not, but you know there’s a huge possibility of a break-up or next down the road.

Oh, but it’s not like that if you’ve been with her for a long time, if you love her, etc. If she leaves you’ll truly feel it. Of course you will, but there’s a major thing that sets this experience apart: deep down, no matter how much you like her, you know she can be replaced. Maybe it will take some time, mostly a lot of time, but eventually you’ll find someone new to love and care about.You also know you’ll be having sex with another hot woman possibly very soon.

All the stuff above makes you kinda emotionally alien to the petty shit in relationships. It’s not that you don’t feel, or don’t care about what the other part is experiencing. It’s just you figured out what’s the scale of importance of that feeling in the grand scheme of things. In a way, like you said in the OP, you become “numb”. Breaking up, being rejected, whatever, turns out to be a simple life task, a life event who has a defined purpose and meaning and is treated as such.

So, to answer your question: time is 100% secondary here. One week, one month, one year, who cares? As long as you figure out how the process above works and how it operates inside you, you’ll be just fine.

P.S. chicks also think I’m too “hard” and “cold” about relationships, LOL